Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
