Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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