I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
