Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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