i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
