You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
