South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
