I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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