She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
