Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We are all done wearing pants today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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