My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
