So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
