I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
