Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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