You're completely useless in the revolution.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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