update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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