I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
