I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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