he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
