I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize