Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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