bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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