It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
