You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
