This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
