It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
