I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he shaved USA in his pubs
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
