STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm both gender and math confused
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
