We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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