I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
