So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
