No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
