woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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