I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
