The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
