No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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