Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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