Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
