two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
