I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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