I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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