Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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