You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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