The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
