so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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