Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
