hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
