4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish my penis had an off switch
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
