He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
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You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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