seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
