I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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