I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize