If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
