Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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