I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
