I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
