Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
